When Childhood Is Replaced by “Shouldhood”: A Clinical Look at a Rising Cultural Alarm
Recently, a video circulated of a group of young Iranian children, none older than ten, singing about marriage as a source of comfort, stability, and identity. For many viewers worldwide, it may seem harmless or ‘cute’. But for clinicians, developmental psychologists, and human rights advocates, this is a flashing red warning light.
When a child is taught that calmness comes from marriage or security comes from having a spouse, we are not preserving culture; we are prematurely scripting adulthood. Biologically, the child’s brain is still forming its core emotional and cognitive architecture. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for independence, judgment, and regulation, is far from mature. Introducing any form of adult expectations too early disrupts this developmental sequence.
Psychologically, these messages produce a single damaging equation:
Value = Future Role, not Present Self.
Children internalize that they are worthy not because of who they are today, but because of the adult they are expected to become. As adults, these individuals often struggle with self-silencing, codependency, chronic people-pleasing, perfectionism, and difficulty establishing healthy intimacy, to say the least.
Culturally, we must differentiate between heritage and harm. This is not tradition; this is gendered conditioning. Girls learn that emotional safety is external, dependent on a future husband. Boys learn that worth is tied to being providers or protectors. In both cases, the right to emotional literacy and self-determination is compromised.
Politically, this reflects a clear human rights concern. Global conventions on child protection emphasize that childhood must remain a distinct stage of exploration, agency, and identity, not preparation for marital roles.
We need cross-disciplinary collaboration.
This is where every one of us becomes part of the solution. Whether you are a clinician, educator, researcher, policymaker, parent, or simply someone who believes children deserve to grow without the weight of adult expectations, your voice matters.
Culture evolves through collective courage, compassionate dialogue, and consistent advocacy.
This is an invitation to join that movement.
Let’s build conversations that honor tradition and protect development.
Let’s create educational spaces where children learn emotional safety from relationships, not roles.
Let’s unite our expertise to design healthier narratives for the next generation.
If you’ve ever felt troubled watching childhood being replaced with ‘shouldhood,’ this is your moment to step in, speak up, and collaborate.
Children cannot advocate for themselves. But we can, and we must.
Whether you work with children directly or you believe in protecting their right to grow, explore, and define themselves, I welcome you to reach out. Your perspective has a place in this dialogue.
